I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
