Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We left the knife in your bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
