good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
