one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it glows. i had to have it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
