Only a mothe r could love this liver
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
