I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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