Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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