I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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