She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
