you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
