moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
