Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
