Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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