I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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