I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
