Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
