before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
