I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was born a porn star she said
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
