Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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