This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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