Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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