were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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