hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
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The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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