im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
