He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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