You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
