Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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