i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
