I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
