You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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