everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think your dad took our porno
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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