I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
