I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As shirtless as possible
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
