did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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