paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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