Got a toothbrush?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize