I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
