I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
