Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
