I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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