Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
