Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
