My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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