The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
