your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
