He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I died a long time ago.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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