Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize