Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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