Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
