Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
