; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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