The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm at about main and main street
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
