So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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