I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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