Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
