Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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