First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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