it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
