I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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