Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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