He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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