The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
