ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
