Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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