Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
