pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
