Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They took my balls.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
