and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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