some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
