Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
