I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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