Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
