Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
