i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
