You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
