my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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