My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
