all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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