You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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