"it" just moved
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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