don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
