she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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