im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
