the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
