She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
